


Soldiers

by Nikasha



Category: Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children
Genre: Comfort/Angst, Dreams, Dreams vs. Reality, M/M, Spirits
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-28
Updated: 2015-07-28
Packaged: 2018-04-11 17:27:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,174
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4445342
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nikasha/pseuds/Nikasha
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In a moment of peace, when the dust settles, Cloud dreams of what used to be. He isn't sure if they're figments of his imagination, or the ghosts that linger on in the world, but he won't turn them away when they come to him. Before all this began, they were happy, and the details might still be muddled, but they both help him remember. He wants them to know he's sorry, but they won't hear it; their choices were never his to make.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Soldiers

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Khemi](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Khemi/gifts).



The tick of the clock on his nightstand was the only thing that spoke in the quiet. Cloud lay on his bed, watching the hand turn. The bar below was mostly still. He could hear Tifa talking to someone, probably kicking out a drunken straggler. The kids were already in bed, and had fallen asleep some time ago.  
  
The hand slowly moved to the three.  
  
The blond sighed and turned onto his back, covering his eyes with his arm.  
  
Tifa had begun to remark on the bags under his eyes and stoop to his shoulders. _“You need to sleep, Cloud!”_  
  
If only he could.  
  
His mind churned with images of days gone, worries that nibbled at his barriers like mice…regrets that turned the best day sour. He couldn’t sleep because he couldn’t forget.  
  
Cloud swung his feet off the bed and sat on the edge, rubbing his eyes. He stared out of the small window, glaring balefully at the bright lights in the dilapidated city. He stood and walked over, gripping the curtains to pull them shut, but he stayed…just staring out at everything. He had fought to protect this place, these people. He would have given his life.  
  
Better people _had_ given their lives.  
  
Cloud snapped the curtains shut and moved back to his bed. He pressed his fingertips lightly to the sword sitting by his bedside with the barest hint of a tired smile, reassured by its presence. He missed the Buster Sword sometimes, but after recalling who had given it to him and the significance behind it, he hadn’t felt right carrying it. He was not a SOLDIER and he had not known Angeal. He didn’t have the honor that the sword was meant to protect. It was not his to wield.  
  
Cloud sat on his bed and stared, unseeing, at the blade. “How could I have forgotten you?” he whispered into the dark. He saw a man with a massive blade on his back walking away from him and reached out. “Don’t leave me…”  
  
The blond recoiled from a bright flash of light and blinked with tears in his eyes. He remembered what followed, but still he marched forward, following the trail the man had left.  
  
Zack Fair stood in front of him.  
  
This was not Zack as he had died, lying in a pool of blood and littered with bullet holes that had stopped healing. This was Zack as he had lived, scarred but smiling and bright with a love of life. He grinned wider as Cloud approached, amused by his confusion. “Hiya, Spiky.”  
  
Cloud shook his head. “I don’t understand. This isn’t how it’s supposed to be.” He looked around. They were still on the cliffs, but there was no blood and no grave marker. He looked back at Zack to note that he didn’t have the Buster sword.  
  
“I wanted to talk to you,” Zack said, shrugging and shifting his weight to his other foot. “I wasn’t sure you would want to talk to me.”  
  
“Of course I want to talk to you!” Cloud said, shocked. “Why wouldn’t I?”  
  
Zack smiled gently and reached out to flick Cloud in the forehead. The blond flinched and scowled, rubbing the red skin. “Because I’m a source of pain for you. You feel guilty for my death. Which is actually what I wanted to talk to you about.”  
  
“About your death?” Cloud tilted his head. “Why would you want to talk about that?”  
  
“Because _it wasn’t your fault_ ,” Zack said, suddenly intense. “There was nothing you could have done to help me. It’s a miracle you survived the mako poisoning at all.”  
  
Cloud looked away. “It’s pointless to talk about this.”  
  
“You’re beating yourself up over something you couldn’t help,” Zack persisted. He walked forward and lightly grabbed Cloud’s chin, turning his face up. “I can’t watch you waste away over something like this.”  
  
“I could have done something,” the soldier blurted out, almost angrily. “I could have forced myself to move. Then I wouldn’t have weighed you down and we wouldn’t have gotten caught.”  
  
Zack spread his hands pleadingly. “Cloud, you were amazing under the circumstances. I can’t believe you can remember things from when you were in a coma. Us SOLDIERs were always trashed after we got our mako treatment. No one could have done better being suddenly pumped full of it.”  
  
Cloud shook his head stubbornly. “I could have done something. I know I could have. I was useless and helpless, and I got you killed.”  
  
“I would have died anyway,” Zack said bluntly and the blond flinched. “I was an escaped experiment with obvious ties to ShinRa. No one would have harbored me, and ShinRa would have hunted me down to the ends of Gaia. There was nothing…nothing _anyone_ could have done.” Zack gently wrapped him in a loose hug. “Do you remember when I first took you to that ice cream place?”  
  
It took a moment, but Cloud eventually smiled softly. “The service was shit, but I was so happy to get decent food and be going out with you that I didn’t care.”  
  
Zack crinkled his nose. “Yeah, the counter person was being so slow. It annoyed the crap out of me. But there you were, with a little fleck of ice cream on your nose, and suddenly it didn’t matter anymore.” He leaned over and touched foreheads with Cloud like they had used to do often, so long ago. “Nothing was as important as you.”  
  
“Except Sephiroth,” the blond teased softly, still smiling. “I never understood how you two could exist in a relationship without him wanting to kill you.”  
  
Zack grinned. “Oh, he wanted to, sometimes. He got that look…You remember. The one where his eyes got cold and his expression went all tight. Kind of like his public face.”  
  
Cloud laughed. “Yeah, you always knew when he was pissed.” His face fell. “When he destroyed Nibelheim, his expression was completely different. His eyes were like fire instead of ice. I remember seeing him leave the reactor and noticing the strange light, but I decided it wasn’t anything to worry about.”  
  
“I noticed it, too,” Zack said quietly. “The crazy burning. His soul on fire. It hurt to watch.” He shook his head and looked at his old friend sadly. “He misses you.”  
  
Cloud tensed and forced himself away from Zack. “He’s a monster, Zack. He doesn’t miss anyone anymore.” He laughed, a short and sharp sound. It was cold and sounded painful. “He was probably always like that, actually. We just fell for the façade.”  
  
Zack crossed his arms, tension seeping into the lines of his body. “No,” he said, one hard syllable. “You’re wrong, Cloud.” His eyes flicked up to look at something over blond spikes.  
  
“I’m not wrong!” the soldier cried. He froze with a sharp gasp as suddenly long arms enfolded around him. He tried to pull away, but his body wouldn’t listen.  
  
“Cloud.” Sephiroth leaned over, silver tresses cascading over the tense shoulder as the man leaned over to press his chest against Cloud’s back, whispering into his ear. “Cloud.”  
  
“Where did you come from?” Cloud snapped, finally struggling. “Get away from me!”  
  
“Cloud,” Sephiroth murmured again. He suddenly smiled and pressed his lips to the soft hair next to his ear. “I miss you.”  
  
“You can’t,” the blond sharply hissed. He didn’t realize he was shivering violently. “You…You just can’t.”  
  
The grip around his middle tightened. “…Forgive me,” Sephiroth suddenly murmured, breath warm on Cloud’s cheek.  
  
The younger man abruptly tore free, spinning to look up at Sephiroth. His eyes were hard, but wet with unshed tears. “Forgive you? _Forgive you?_ ” he cried. His hands balled into fists. “How can I forgive you…when this is my fault?”  
  
“…What?” Sephiroth breathed, startled.  
  
Cloud pointed at him sharply. “I could have fixed this! We…the three of us…” He waved behind him to include the silent Zack. “…We were all so close before…before everything. I should’ve known. I should’ve seen it!” He reached up and pulled hard on his spikes. “I could’ve stopped you.”  
  
Zack was suddenly right behind him, gently but firmly grabbing his hands and loosening the grip tugging on his hair. Zack forced Cloud’s hands down to his sides as Sephiroth frowned and answered.  
  
“None of this was your fault,” the wraith said. “All of what happened was beyond you, Cloud. Did you really think you could have stopped me any better than Zack, or Genesis and Angeal?” He shook his head. “You only would’ve been hurt worse.”  
  
“I knew him longer than you, and I wasn’t able to stop him anymore than you did,” Zack sighed, rubbing his thumbs along Cloud’s forearms.  
  
“You did fantastic under the circumstances,” Sephiroth said in his SOLDIER voice—the one he used on other recruits when giving them serious, professional praise. “You stopped me from running off. It was more than anyone else managed. It more than anyone else has _ever_ managed.” He smiled tightly. “I am sorry for what I put you through.”  
  
Cloud sighed through his nose. The look he gave Sephiroth was full of mistrust. “How do I know this isn’t just another trick?”  
  
“You know.” It was Zack that said this. “Please stop hurting yourself like this, Cloud. If you keep it up, you’re going to whither away.”  
  
“Good,” he snapped. “The sooner I die, the sooner I can join you two.”  
  
Zack gripped Cloud’s forearms hard enough that the blond winced. “No! You’re needed here.”  
  
“You will join us soon enough,” Sephiroth agreed. “Do not waste your time here. You have friends here, things to do, places to see.”  
  
“And it’s not like we’ll never visit,” Zack declared, enveloping Cloud in an overenthusiastic hug and rocking him from side to side. “We’ll see you every night!”  
  
“Not every night,” Sephiroth corrected.  
  
Zack rolled his eyes with annoyance. “Ok, not every night. But almost!”  
  
Cloud smiled weakly over his shoulder at the aptly nicknamed puppy. “…I’m glad to hear it.”  
  
“So will you give up this angsty stuff?” Zack drawled, pressing their foreheads together again. “It’s not healthy.”  
  
Cloud looked over at Sephiroth and studied him for a moment. The man didn’t react to his gaze, simply remaining as militarily stiff as ever. However, something in his eyes changed. A moment ago they had been closed off to him. Now, there was a light there that Cloud recognized from his early days with ShinRa, remembered from waking early in the morning in bed with his two lovers and seeing the normally cold General watching them both sleep with an incredibly soft smile. The same light that brightened his face as they lay in a heap on the sheets, all of them tired and happy.  
  
It was then he realized he could forgive Sephiroth for what had happened, letting go of the fear he hadn’t even realized he held. And if he could give that up, could forgive the man who had tried to kill him numerous times, he could forgive himself.  
  
He smiled, the first real smile he had worn in years. “Yeah. I think I can do that.”  
  
Sephiroth walked over and gently smoothed back his spikes with a long-fingered hand before kissing him gently.  
  
They sat in the warmth of each other’s presence for a time. “We need to be going,” Sephiroth sighed.  
  
Cloud frowned a beat, and Zack hastily spoke up. “We’ll be back soon, Spiky. It’ll be like we never even left!”  
  
They all knew it was a lie, but Cloud let it reassure him all the same. “Ok. I’ll see you guys soon.”  
  
Sephiroth tugged the long lock hanging next to the soldier’s face. “See you soon, Cloud.” He never was one for tender words, but the look in his eyes spoke volumes more than any weak claims could ever hope to achieve.  
  
Zack spun the blond around and kissed his forehead. “My living legacy,” he murmured with his trademark grin. “Sleep well, Cloud.” He reached up a hand and the blond flinched as his eyes were covered.  
  
When he opened his eyes again, he was gazing up at the roof of his room. He slowly sat up and looked around with some confusion. It seemed like he had fallen asleep while sitting and staring at the fusion sword…  
  
Cloud blinked at First Tsurugi and frowned slightly, hoping that it all hadn’t just been a dream. He stood and went over, then blinked and tilted his head slightly as he noticed something off about the sword. He picked up and turned it over and found a pitch-black feather stuck between two pieces of the weapon. He gently coaxed it free and set the sword back down.  
  
The blond teased the soft quill through his fingers for a moment before looking out his window again and smiling.  
  
“Living legacy,” he murmured thoughtfully. He tucked the feather behind his ear. “I’ll live for all three of us…and one day we’ll be together again.”

**Author's Note:**

> Whoo look at my lame play-on-words, comparing soldiers and SOLDIERs. -cough-  
> I love the way your prompts were worded, by the way! Thank you for the interesting topics.


End file.
